Despite all the shady connotations, social shaming and horror stories of dates gone wrong, the fact of the matter is that millions of people still use Tinder every day in order to try to find that special someone. Or simply to find someone to spend a bit of time with, and not turn into another Simpsons cat lady.
Let’s face it: Tinder is still interesting despite all the weird experiences people have on there. And in today’s world where people are busier and more disconnected than ever from their social circles, Tinder is an interesting resource that women can use in order to meet guys, and maybe find a social life, if you’re that “no social life” type of girl.
But, why am I not getting matches on Tinder?
Ok, so you’re on Tinder. And you’re not getting any matches.
It’s a common problem that a lot of women have on Tinder. They’re unable to get any matches. Swipe and swipe and swipe, and in the end, no prize. Not even one match. Not even a weirdo or a stalker… nothing. Tinder is an empty desert for you.
Does the entire world hate you?
Probably not. Tinder is a very wide social network, and it’s hard to imagine that anyone would be unable to find at least one match on there. Many times the fact that you’re not getting any matches on Tinder, usually means that you’re doing something wrong with your profile or with the people you contact… not that the entire world hates you!
There’s probably hundreds of guys who would just kill for a chance to meet you, but your profile and activity are just not giving them the right signals!
And I know this “right signals” stuff sounds old and you’ve probably heard it a thousand times already. Because it seems every dating guru on the internet is talking about this “right signals” thing. But hear me out for a second, because on Tinder, there is such a thing as “the right signals”.
Humans are very “physical” creatures: we’re made to interact in person, and that’s where we can best understand the messages the other person is trying to give us. No, communicating with a guy is not just words: it’s voice tone, it’s the way your eyes move, it’s how fast and or slow your voice is at each moment. It’s how close you get, it’s how fast you back off. There’s a mess of non-verbal signals that everyone sends out while communicating. And that’s where Tinder (and all the other dating websites and apps) falls horribly short.
Ever try to seduce a guy via Whatsapp or email? It’s hard, and you end up having to be very direct in order to get your message across. That’s because when you’re using Whatsapp or email, all those non-verbal signals get lost, and the other person has no idea of what you’re trying to tell them (or do to them!) aside from what you put down in words.
There’s a reason why most “whatsapp seductions” end up being a slew of sexting and naked pics: there’s just no “subtle” way to get your message clear. In the digital world, you’re missing 90% of the tools you have in the real world to express yourself!
And that’s why on Tinder you have to be extra careful about the message that your photographs and your profile are sending out to guys. If you don’t craft your profile just right, you’re probably going to end up attracting the wrong kind of guy, or no guy at all!
So, why does it seem that Tinder hates you, and why can’t you get any matches? There’s no universal answer, but here’s some things that you can check to make sure you’re playing the game right!
Make sure you’re not swiping left or hitting the “X” button
This one seems obvious, but there’s a lot of cases, especially when people are just starting out on Tinder, where what happens is that they’re simply swiping left over and over again or hitting the X button time and again. A lot of people at the start think that the big red X means that you want to tag that person. Not so.
Just in case, remember the big red X means that you don’t want to contact that person. If you press X, Tinder says nothing to the other person about you… and automatically there’s no match. Same thing if you swipe their picture left… left means no.
If you are interested in the person you see, swipe their picture right or press the green heart. Or if you’re really interested in them, press the blue star (which is called a super like). Blue star lets the other person know immediately that you’re interested in them… regardless of whether they’ve contacted you before or not.
Do you have enough photos?
A lot of people think that on Tinder they can get away with having a single photo on their profile. Truth is, not really. One thing you have to understand is that Tinder is full of fake profiles created by pranksters or by people with shady intentions. Guys come across these fakes all the time (seems guys are a primary target of pranksters these days), and have become very skeptical of profiles that have just one picture.
Anyone can get one picture off of someone’s Facebook profile (or simply off of any place on the internet) and create a bogus profile on Tinder. But it takes a lot more work and dedication to get 3 or 4 photographs of the same person, and put them on there. And at least a certain percentage of pranksters aren’t willing to make the effort.
Having more photos on your Tinder profile, and having those photos give a more complete perspective of you and your life, is a sure fire way to get people to trust your profile. What do I mean by a “more complete perspective”? Exactly that! Photos that show different angles on you (profile, full body, sitting, standing, etc) and photos that show you in different settings doing the things you normally do!
If there’s one thing a prankster usually can’t get, it’s a series of photos that show someone in different angles and different settings. That speaks volumes about the legitimacy of your profile on Tinder.
So yes… fill up those 5 photos slots on your profile with good quality, varied photos. It will help a whole lot!
Do you have the wrong kind of photos?
Another problem that women often have on Tinder is that they fill up all the photographs on their profile, but with the wrong kind of photos. Look ladies, if a guy is looking at your profile it’s because he’s interested in YOU, not in the trip you took to the Eiffel Tower last year. Guys don’t jump on a Tinder profile because “wow what a pretty landscape” or “that’s an awesome deep quote” or “what a cute dog”. If you want to attract guys, your pictures should feature YOU as the main attraction… all of them.
And here’s some Tinder photo cliches that you should avoid at all costs:
- Quotes, album covers, cartoon drawings or any kind of image that’s not a photo of you. You’re not being playful, you’re just expressing disinterest and insecurity if on a place like Tinder you can’t bring yourself to collect 5 photos of you.
- Photos with your kids: let’s get this one very clear. Tinder is not a place for pictures of your kids. That’s outright dangerous. How’d you like one of those weirdo or stalker guys looking for your kids at their school? Not funny? Then don’t put pictures of your kids on Tinder. If you have kids, say it in your profile description, but no photos of them… ever.
- Confusing photos. I see this one all the time. Girls will put 5 group photos on their profile, and “guess which one I am!”. Once more, this just oozes insecurity, and will bore guys to death.
- Excessive filters and touchups: any photo that looks doctored, is going to make guys suspicious. And if all your photos look doctored, guys will swipe left on your profile in seconds. Guys want to see you… not what you’d look like if you were an alien from mars. So stop with the filters. And no, guys don’t think pictures of you with a dog nose are cute, keep those for your instagram and facebook friends.
- Overly sexual photos: 5 photos of a scantily-clad you on Tinder doesn’t mean “looking for love”. It means “escort”, “call girl”, “stripper”… you get the picture. Sorry to have to break the news to you: Tinder is full of escorts and call girls. Most guys hate them ‘cause they’re a waste of time and super likes, and will bypass most “excessively sexual” profiles. Don’t be afraid to look hot in your photos, or post pictures of you at the pool or the beach… just find the balance, that spot between your photos saying “I’m a bore” and your photos saying “I charge by the hour”.
- Photos all taken from the same perspective: when you have 5 photos of your face on Tinder, that says to guys “please don’t ask me about my body”. When you have 5 photos of you where you’re a tiny speck in a crowd or in a huge landscape, that tells guys “I’m trying to hide”. Be confident about yourself, be confident about your photos. Sure, have a close up of your face, but don’t forget there’s other angles (full body, three quarters, etc) you can use.
Do you have too many photos on Tinder?
Tinder offers the possibility of connecting your account to Instagram and showing people your Instagram photos on your profile. Careful here. Once again, certain undesirable types of users that waste guys’ time (social spammers and “like” farms) have found that Tinder is a great way to build Instagram followers for clients. And so they connect the accounts, in the hopes that guys will hop from Tinder to Instagram and follow.
Five photos on your profile is fine. And if your Instagram account is especially interesting for some legit reason and doesn’t have a million pictures on it, ok, go ahead and connect it to Tinder. But if your instagram has volumes of photos, that are totally irrelevant to your Tinder profile, you’re better off leaving it disconnected. Or else guys might group you in with the spammers, and pass you by.
Do your photos say “legit” and “down to earth”?
This one’s a little harder to understand and takes a little bit of thought to get just right. The collection of photos on your Tinder profile, as a whole, should give the message that your profile is legit and truthful.
How the heck do you do that? There’s no universal recipe. But start by checking your profile description, and comparing it to what your photos show. If your profile says “I’m an outgoing, fun, spontaneous person” but your photos show your best goth makeup sessions, well, that doesn’t really spell legit does it?
Same thing if all your photos are of you at bars and parties. Most high-value guys on Tinder will avoid the “party girl” profiles, because they know they’re either fake, or a total pain to be with long term.
And if you only have high-quality, studio photographs on there? That screams “fake” from a mile away, and guys will run from it. If you’re a professional model, sure, put a studio photo on your profile if you want… but make the rest photos of you as you are, every day of your life. Leave the pro photos for your portfolio.
Try to “ground” your photos geographically, by including landmarks or well known places that other people can pick up on, in a couple of your profile pictures. That lets people know that you really are from where you say that you are. You can’t imagine how many times guys find a profile on Tinder that says the girl is from their hometown, but all of her profile pictures show places that have absolutely nothing to do with the guy’s hometown. That makes them suspect, and guys will think twice before contacting the girl.
Are you restricting your age range too much?
Tinder lets you specify the age range where you want your potential matches, and will show you profiles in that age range and nothing more. If someone outside your age range tries to contact you it’s very likely that Tinder won’t let you know.
The catch is that the more specific and narrow that you set your age range, the less potential matches you can make. Simply math at work: if you are looking for people between 20 and 30 years of age you’re bound to have hundreds of thousands of potential matches, but if you’re looking for people that are between 25 and 26, your potential matches go down exponentially.
Same thing goes for the guy you might be looking for… he has to have you in his age range, for a match to be made. This makes it even more likely that you’ll have very few matches if you restrict your age range too much.
And remember that the number of potential matches you can have is not only determined by age but also by the location where you’re at. If there’s very few Tinder users where you live and you set your age range to be very restrictive, you’ll eliminate almost all of your potential matches.
Don’t be too restrictive with your age range, until you’ve gotten a measure of how specific you can get before you’re left with no matches. A good rule of thumb that most people use on Tinder when they’re just starting, is to set the age range 10 years younger and 10 years older. 30 years old? Set your age range from 20 to 40. And as you start to see the profiles that pop up, start refining the range a bit. That way you can have a better idea of who you’ll be leaving out if you restrict your age range.
Is your profile description is empty or wrong?
After your profile pictures, the next most important thing on your profile is your description. Once a guy has you in his sight, and your pictures have caught his attention, he’ll probably move on to your profile description to see what you’re all about.
And if your description is blank or doesn’t really say much, he might just move on to the next profile.
Don’t forget to add a nice description of yourself and your life in general to your profile. Mention what you like to do, where you’re from, what your dreams and plans are, etc. It’s very important to include details like those in your profile, because that’s the stuff that a guy can pick up on when he contacts you, to start a conversation. And it’s also useful to you: if a guy mentions something from your profile in the conversation, it’s a sign he was interested enough to read your profile.
Do you hate it when guys start interviewing you, trying to pry details of your life? It’s because you didn’t give them enough information on your profile! You didn’t say enough for them to find common interests and stuff to talk about. Say a little more on your profile, and you’ll see those initial conversations start to become more meaningful.
Are you checking your inbox?
Another one of those details that many people pass by, that you might want to check if you’re not getting any Tinder matches, is what’s happening in your inbox. Your inbox is the little bubble on the top right corner of your screen that contains three dots in it. It’s where matches are going to show up and it’s where the messages they send you will arrive.
Sometimes when you like a guy’s profile, Tinder won’t show a match, because the guy hasn’t liked your profile. Hours (or even days) later, the guy might like your profile, and a match will be made. That match is going to show up in your inbox.
Of course if you never check your inbox, you’re bound to have a whole bunch of matches that happened after you logged off last time and have been waiting for you there since then, with no activity whatsoever!
Are you wasting your super likes?
Remember the little blue star that’s called a super like? That lets a guy know you’re interested right away, regardless of whether the guy has liked your profile or not.
The catch to the super like is that you only get a limited number. If you’re using Tinder for free, you only get one super like per day, and they don’t add up… if you don’t use Monday’s super like, you lose it. You don’t get 2 super likes on Tuesday, unfortunately.
You have to learn to use your super likes wisely. Don’t go shooting them off at the first profile that shows up on Tinder everyday. Swipe for a few profiles, and wait until you find one that really peaks your interest in order to use your super like.
And, time your super likes carefully! That’s another important part of the super like strategy on Tinder. You don’t get a new super like at midnight everyday, instead what happens is that from the moment that you super like you have to wait 24 hours before you can super like again.
That means that if you super liked someone in a bar at 3 a.m. you have to wait until 3 a.m. the next day before you can super like again.
You can imagine what the strategy should be here: use your super likes around the same time everyday, so that you won’t be getting that annoying “you’re out of super likes” message all the time. Or at least if you’re out of super likes, the most you’ll have to wait is a few minutes before the 24 hour waiting period is up.
I usually log on to Tinder and swipe early in the morning around 7 a.m. everyday. It helps me to keep the super likes in check, and also keeps me from getting swallowed into the black hole of checking Tinder every 5 minutes to see if there’s a new match.
If you are getting matches but it never turns into anything
Of all matches that are made on Tinder, I would say less than 10% actually end up becoming anything serious. Tinder is really easy to use, but like in real life relationships are complicated and it’s not as easy as “I like you and you like me and that’s that”. Unfortunately Tinder can’t solve human nature for us, that’s up to you to figure out!
But as complicated as relationships may be, here’s a few pointers to help you along in exploring those Tinder matches and maximizing your possibility of success:
The #1 rule on Tinder, is patience. There’s a lot of people on there with different interests and different personalities, and those people on Tinder are logging on at different times of the day, as their routines permit. That means that most contacts on Tinder are made over a period of several days, and most relationships born on Tinder take weeks or even months to establish.
Along the way, a whole bunch of those contacts and relationships go belly up. It’s part of the game, there’s nothing strange about it.
Be patient. Be patient with the time it takes for your matches to respond to your messages, be patient with time it takes for them to know you well enough to decide if they want to ask you out, be patient with the questions they ask you and the answers you give them.
Remember there’s a real live person behind the mobile phone on the other end, a real live person who has feelings, experiences and a mind of their own. Tinder might have said it’s a match, but you still have to go through the process of actually matching!
Don’t get mad at those “canned messages”
“Hi”. “Hello”. “How are you”. “What’s up”. “How’s it going”. I bet you could count the stuff guys start a conversation with on Tinder, with the fingers of one hand.
But that doesn’t mean guys aren’t creative, original, or that you should ignore them if they open like that. If you go down that path, you won’t get very far on Tinder. Remember guys see dozens or even hundreds of potential matches every day on Tinder! Do you really think they have a Shakespearean play ready for every one of them?
Openers? They don’t matter. If he said “hi”, that means he’s interested. Don’t sweat the small stuff and move on with the conversation. If you explore a bit, you might just find that behind that canned opening message is an amazing guy, with a lot of amazing things to share with you.
Talk to guys, ask open ended questions and follow up
There’s nothing worse than finding a girl on Tinder who waits for the guy to send the first message. And there’s nothing worse than a girl on Tinder who gives a 2 word answer, and then goes silent… to see what the guy will come up with.
If you’re doing that, you’re killing your chances on Tinder. Remember what we said at the beginning about nonverbal communication? On Tinder you’ve lost most nonverbal communication tools that you have in real life!
That means that the person who you’re chatting with through the Tinder app, can’t tell if you’re waiting for an answer, if you’re anxiously expecting the next message, or if you’re simply bored out of your mind and want them to get lost.
If you really want to have a meaningful conversation on Tinder, you have to contribute to that conversation. Ask questions that require more or that a “yes or no” answer, and when you’re asked questions, give meaningful answers that will allow the conversation to continue.
Otherwise you’ll find that most conversations go dead after only a few exchanges, which is a shame! How many wonderful relationships die at the keyboard, because people are too lazy to explore and connect with each other!
Don’t give up if they don’t answer immediately
What do you have to realize is that people on Tinder have different routines and different schedules. Some people check Tinder throughout the day, other people check in only at night or early in the morning.
That means you might have to wait a few hours or day or two for a reply to come back.
If you don’t get a reply to your messages, don’t worry and don’t give up. Give it few hours or maybe a day before you call it quits. You might find that early the next morning you find that the anxiously awaited reply has arrived in your inbox!
And here’s another hint: don’t give up on conversations that have gone dead in your inbox. Even if they’ve been dead for a couple of weeks. If you’re still curious, try sending a message or two. The other person will probably be there on the other end, and you might reestablish contact and have another interesting conversation.
Same thing if you leave Tinder for a few weeks and come back to find a bunch of matches that you never answered. Answer them! They might be weeks old, but that doesn’t mean the other person isn’t waiting for an answer.
Believe me, this has happened to me several times! A conversation which I assume is long gone, all of a sudden blossoms into a wonderful exchange thanks to a message that someone sends, just to see what happens!
Don’t go running if they seem too forward
Like I said before, Tinder lacks nonverbal communication cues, and that means that a lot of guys solve the situation by being more forward then they would be in real life. They can’t judge your reactions and emotional state over a mobile app, so they simply turn up the intensity and make their message as clear as possible.
A lot of women see this as inappropriate behavior, or even consider it threatening. But what you have to realize is that it’s not necessarily meant to be threatening. And it’s no reason to end the conversation right then and there! You might just have a guy who’s tired of women getting the wrong idea (that they’re not interested), and they’re sending a clear message from the start.
Just do this: tell them something along the line of “Thanks for making your intentions clear from the start. I found your profile attractive, and want to know you better. I really hope you’re up to chat a while here on Tinder!”. And take it from there.
And don’t forget, you can always say “Your remarks are making me uncomfortable. I’m interested in getting to know you, but I’d appreciate if you could be more moderate in what you say”. If there’s a guy with half a brain on the other side, he’ll get the message and turn it down a notch.
In fact, don’t give up unless they cross the line
Relationships are complicated, and Tinder is a complicated place. And there’s a lot of awkward and strange situations to be had, especially if you’re just starting out with Tinder.
But that doesn’t mean you should give up or trash the app! Give it time, learn how Tinder works and how people communicate there. And then decide if Tinder is right for your or not.
Same thing with guys: don’t give up at the start. As you’ve read, having no means of nonverbal communication makes Tinder a hard place to form a bond and makes for a lot of misunderstandings! But keep trying, have patience, and keep a level head. Don’t take anything that’s said personally, and always consider you might have understood wrong, and ask for clarification.
That is, of course, unless the guy is making you feel very uncomfortable, or has shown he’s oblivious to your requests to turn it down. Every guy deserves a few opportunities to mess up, but if he just won’t quit messing up, it’s time to call it a day and end that conversation! After all, you’re on Tinder to have fun and meet people, not to be uncomfortable.
How do you meet someone in person on Tinder?
It’s a question that very often pops up: you’ve been talking to a guy, maybe you contacted him over the phone or through instant messaging, and have decided that you’d like to meet him in person. But still you’re not sure how do it, without putting yourself at risk.
Well, the best way to meet people face-to-face on Tinder, is to set up a meeting in a public place! That means a restaurant, cafe, museum, park, shopping mall… a place where there’s other people around all the time.
The main way to keep yourself safe when meeting another person face to face is to have other people around. There’s safety in numbers. So at least for the first few meetups, until you’ve gotten an idea of who it is you’re dealing with, keep your dates in public places.
And no, don’t accept that invitation to go back to his place at the end of the date, unless you feel confident enough that it’s safe.
Most people on Tinder are regular, enjoyable people, with a few quirks here and there. It’s not a bag of psychos as they often portray it. But that doesn’t mean you should let your guard down and accept any invitation to go anywhere.
Stay safe, use your judgement and common sense, and most of all, have fun!